The clap of thunder wakes me out of a dreamless sleep. The darkness around me makes me wonder where I am. Home…Right. Alone. Again. Thinking without thinking. Listening to the sounds of a passing storm, much like my own heart and mind. Intense for a few moments…then fading into quiet.
There is a long silence that is within me that stirs in the early morning hours. There is this bubbly energy that keeps me going and getting up every day that pours out of me to make it through the whole day. Where do these two things meet? Where is that line of balance that keeps me from falling over the edge? I know solid morals and values are instilled deep within there, it keeps me from going just too far. It gives me peace, sadness, love and a sense of guilt. But it does not always give me the answers. I need answers. There is not a single answer to give. I am not even sure of the questions. There is a bunch of nothing. Silly, giggly, excited laughter that borders on the edge of slap happy hysteria. Like a zombie, constantly being awake, but not thinking, just doing. Doing, doing and more doing. Where this is new sometimes scary and exciting road taking me?
What am I doing with these new people? Where is everyone else? What happened to my life? WTF happened to me? Awww…then I remember. I let it go. I loved myself first. I remembered a part of me that makes me happier. I remember that it is ok to have friends and let people close again. I might get hurt, but I survived this round. What does not kill you, makes you stronger. At least me. I need that. I need to remember that. I need to stop being so afraid.
I will try.
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