Hmmmmmm... We all, I think, want to be loved, cared about, and to know that we are special to someone. Many times we can be with other people in relationships of all kinds (friends, lovers, marriage, family even) and still miss this feeling of belonging with someone. Having love for someone is not the same as being loved by that same person when you still feel utterly alone. (at least for me) I spent way to long trying to figure that one out...overkill on that thought. Only conclusion I got...I want someone I can be happy with, who likes all nutty things about me, makes me laugh, and challenges my thinking, calls me out when I am wrong, lives a life with me, but still has one of their own. Someone one who is like me, but different, someone who wants more in life, but wants to work to get it. Funny, kindness, music, books, goals, dreams, are the simplest of wants, but damn, seems a little hard to find. I guess patience is a good lesson to remember here.
How many times in the last ten years of my life have I just gotten up and did the robot routine? I did learn patience that way. Countless times, everyday for years. Not because I didn't feel, because I settled for something that was not the right thing for me and had to think that, was going to be it, so deal with it. I still right now -- am wondering if there is a person out there that I can get along with, tolerate without going crazy. Silly moods strike me at times, and I have no idea which way is up or down, or even where thoughts are going, until the problem has seem to work itself out in my own head. Most thoughts are mixed and jumbled up into a rambling mess. I start wondering if I just shouldn't go run and hide, and not come back out. Social as I am and can be, there are little moments when I rather snuggle up with a good book, or watch a marathon of the same damn shows all day long. What a insane mix of one extreme to another I am...but making it work all the same, in the happy middle. Little bit of the left brain, little bit of the right, certainly a healthy mix of that overlap! Ugh. I like it, but I don't. I like people, but I don't. I want a relationship...but I really don't. Dating...No sir. Not fond of that either, finding I am more prone to cancel about an hour before out of nerves and just not wanting to deal. This is for no one and everyone. This is for me to remember, to say it is ok to be picky and know why. I can be alone too, sometimes prefer it, but it is nice to dream about something special.
Nomnomnomnommmmm. Good food. For thought. I may actually remember to bring you some Wire today! LOL. That's a good rabbit hole ;-).
ReplyDeleteIt also has the intro song of "way down in the hole."
ReplyDeleteAside from the religious overtones, it's appropriate.