Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb [LIVE]

Another strong dose of happy.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.” 

What a great weekend! Started off right with a silly company function (only some of us are smarter than 5th graders!)  I got two new pairs of glasses. Sexy librarian...oh yeah! Came home to put together my last bookcase, and all the books are out of the attic. Woo-hoo! Home is starting to look like a brand new place, didn't even have the moving cost. Computer hooked up to the television, easy enough to watch movies w/ netflix, and of course...more Sunny! Just got to find the perfect chair...

Working more and more, always a good thing. Finding a groove and balance is wonderful. Life is settling into something to be proud of, just work, work and more work. I like to work, so not such a bad thing, but still it's work. Cooking and going to Amy's anniversary party was the highlight of the weekend. How can you resist playing with Simon, he is such a sexy fellow. Word is, he sure gets around! Which we all got a little time with him! The baskets as always, were a huge hit. That's always makes me very happy to see someone else smile (or grin).

It was mentioned in passing how comfortable we all have come. This is a great and important thing. Settling into a calmer life, putting the past woes behind us, and moving forward. This is comforting. We can not change the past, we can only learn and choose to  try to be better. I like this. I love my life, my family, the new things I try, and several people that have become family. I like the silliness, I like the intelligence, I like the humor that never stops, but most of all I like being happy. My step-dad says to me last week "I have never seen you happier, I am glad." This made me stop and think. Yep, that's true. I have been plenty happy over the years, but nothing like this. Spending time with a close friend more one on one, was wonderful too. He makes me smile. I like that. Seeing my lovely nieces for a while yesterday reminded me of all the wonderful old friends I have, I saw I am really lucky.

I have dance class tonight. What a great thing to do, something I have always wanted to do. I did it. That has been my motto, "I did it". Words to live by. Wonderful all around. Can always be better, and even worse, but right now. It's wonderful.

Dancing a little dance...

This week it feels like fall. I love it! Something about this time of year with the end of summer, and the promise of the holidays not far off makes me a little more focused on life. So many changes in the works, hard to find the time to do them all, although, they must be done. A biggie is the dancing lessons... Woo-hoo! I finally started...and it was amusing to say the least. I fumbled part of the class, stepped on Phil's toes, but managed to pull it out at the end and get the first steps of the waltz down. Bonus! Open dance Friday night, should be a good time. Light on my toes, I might be just yet. More practice afterward at the bar. HA! Only to crack up, and a reason to have another drink. Hey, after all, someone played me a song and I was in good company! A over-whelming feeling of happiness struck me as I was coming home last night, and all I could do was smile. Been traveling down that long road in memory lane a lot lately, and there are many good ones in there. There are bad, but focusing beyond that is helping. Coming to terms with life is a constant struggle. Wishing others well, even now. I still hope for the best for people. Life is hard enough without wishing bad things on others. If something happens, it is always good to remember it happened, and take what lessons you can from it. Creating new and happy memories has kept me together, and even pushed me forward. Good things come to those who wait. This is for sure.

Finding happiness in simple things

As I find myself looking to books for answers to questions I will never have answers to...I also find something more, something unexpected. Doors are opening in my mind I didn't even know were there. Experiences that I craved for so long, they finally came. In spades. Nothing in my life is perfect, never will be, but it is certainly different. Unique and amazing people I have always known throughout my life, but this is different, I have a level of comfort I have not had in a longtime. Great minds and all I hear...but truly great people.

One of my favorites and closest is just a rock for me, she will do something of the silliest and craziest stuff right along with me. Sister is not close enough to appreciate the kind of bond and friendship formed there.


Going to a Grateful Dead cover show...




Toasting 4th of July...



Going to Chicago and seeing amazing things...and of course being silly.



Laughing so hard everyday, remembering that life can be fun too.


Getting down at our lil' whole in the wall bar...where everyone kinda knows are names!


Her supporting my love of golf...even though I am terrible!



Even trying herself...



Someone to share creme horns with ;)




Fist pumping and face humping...laughing our asses off the whole time!



Finding no other reason in the world just to find happiness in something beautiful...and a reason to smile. Fields of sunflowers a couple times.





There has been a change in my life, and not always for the better. It has not always been the easiest to let go of a life that didn't make me truly happy for a longtime. Making the best of the little things has changed me, a positive person I try to be, and sometimes fail horribly, but having someone to laugh right along side me is the best gift I have had in a very longtime. Sunflowers, tears, laughing when everything is terrible that we just enjoy the little things, but we laugh so hard we choke and it comes out ours noses... is priceless.

non è possibile cambiare il passato

So looking back, I realize what a jackass I was. Great. Life is truly not a fairytale no matter how much you want it to be. I have this sign over my door that reads..."It's never to late to live happily ever after." I believe that, but I think it needs context. Defining what that context is for myself is a work in progress. Getting over the past is something I need to work on. I guess I am trying, I am not dwelling, just keep remembering. Wish I could turn that off! I keep thinking... I lost so many years of my life to something that did not turn out for the the best...guess what? I didn't, that is a pity party line!

I lived my life, I was myself, and I gave a really great try to something that FAILED. I can deal with that. What makes me happy has not changed. I am simple when it comes to really getting excited about something... less disappointment when you find joy in the things you can make happen for yourself. The reality of life is that when you put to much stock in others to deliver your happiness, they are going to fail. They are going to hurt you, they are going to put their needs first. As they should. I am guilty of it, who isn't? I have always known that people disappoint, I hate to do that to someone. But that's just life. I give and I take. I hurt and have been hurt. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. It made me a better, stronger and more open-minded person...

But the ugly bitter side of me is hateful and angry sometimes that it was wasted. I made that life, and have to live with the aftermath of it. However it plays out...I choose now to see the sliver lining the best I can. Guess I am lucky it is just me, no kids to fuck up, that is a bonus. Talking about children today, I realized I love them, the idea of a family. I do, but there's a reason I haven't had them. Looking at the odd relationship I have with my own parents. I just don't think it is for me, weird to say that out loud again, but maybe it isn't a deal breaker after all. Whose to say really. I thought a lot of things... only to see that it was smoke and mirrors. I guess answers will come in time. I cannot change the past, but I am unsteady about the future still. Wish it were easier sometimes...White knight to save the day...LOL. Only to resent him! Ha! Reality. Love it always.