19 days 21 hours. So long, but feels almost not long enough. I am nervous. REALLY nervous. March 29th is the date that has been set for the surgery. Since I last wrote, the weeks are going by at wrap speed, and I feel like I have so much more to do to prepare. My stomach is in knots, I'm not sleeping right, I have constant headaches, and my mind doesn't shut down. Work has been tense, which just adds on the the giant pile of stress, but that's an easy one to manage, it's just work. Overall though, I'm scared, serious thoughts plagued me almost every hour on the hour--
What if I come out with looking deformed?
Anesthesia...I need to know more. 4-7 hours in surgery is a long time.
Weight. Will I lose too much...or not enough?
Eating. I like to eat. I'm not the best person to put stuff together and make "healthy" drinks.
Talking. I think it will work...right?
Work...well we are all stressed enough. Will they find some way to railroad me out? (looking as a backup)
Will this solve the issues I have...i.e. is this even worth it?
What the hell am I going to look like right after surgery...screws in my face...Frankenstein Jeni style!
And when the hell can I get these braces off my teeth?
They. Are. Going. To. Cut. The. Bottom. Of. My. Face. Off!
Mentally, I think I tell myself I am ready, good to go, can't wait--coaching myself right along. Positive attitude. Then I try and sleep through the night...nope don't make it most nights. I spend hours staring at the wall or watching television. I'm also breaking out more lately in unexplained hives near pressure points on my body, I am going with stress on this one. I know I will get through this...but I'm already worn out!
Oh, and the braces I am dying for them to coming off .
